My little warrior is gone - From Rocio Montagner

I can't begin to explain the pain both physical and emotional pain I feel as I tell you that my little angel, my little soldier who did not want to stop fighting, did not want to stop living has died. Yesterday at approx 4:30pm he took his last breath as we held him in our arms and told him we loved him. He had been suffering so very much! His last days were so horrible, he did not look like himself. The horrible cancer, the horrible tumor that invaded his little head had caused both eyes to loose control and he could not close his little mouth. When I looked at him I felt so sad and at the end the last day Kelvin lived I threw myself in his room and hugged his little doll "Kelvin" and begged God to take him! I could not allow him to suffer any longer, not for me! I wanted his to live so badly but not like this. NO CHILD should go through the pain and suffering he has, NO HUMAN BEING should! I can't understand WHY? Why like this? I somehow felt responsible for his suffering since I could not let him die! I continued to ask myself "When is it enough?" When will the suffering end? As I left Kelvin's room I lade by his side and whispered in his ear "Its going to be all right, I spoke to God and told him it was time, you must stop this fighting and rest. You have gone through so much and God will take care of you." I could see by his breathing and how he struggled so very hard to tell me he was listening. I kissed him and held him and told him not to worry, that mommy, daddy and baby Zacky would be all right. I had prayed that he would go peacefully and that he would suffer no longer. My prayers were answered as I looked up from the hospice book I was reading I noticed he needed to be suctioned when I finished he let a long sigh and stopped breathing. No more pain, no more suffering he had suffered so very much! He was gone. I felt peace in the begging but as I felt his little head get cold I knew that my baby had died and I would no longer hear him tell me "Mommy, I love you". Pain so much pain it was gone and he could now play and run like he use too! He looked like Kelvin again, he even smiled as to say "Mommy, daddy I can run, I can play, I can breath and the pain is gone!" HE WON! HE WON HE IS MY HERO! He looked like an angel, like he was asleep. He is asleep waiting for us to come home someday.
There are no words to describe the sadness that I feel, that Frank feels. He once again is my rock, the man who held me as I crumbled. Watching them take Kelvin was the most horrible feeling, knowing that he would be alone, knowing that he would not be here by by side. As I awoke this morning I looked around the room and saw "Kelvin the doll". A woman who lost her child to cancer made a rag doll to look like Kelvin and every time Kelvin had to go to the hospital and I would stay to care for little Zacky he would hand it to me and say "Here mommy, here I am so if you are feeling sad or lonely hug me so that we can be together!" I would hug the doll and hug him and tell him that I thought the doll was great and that I would hug it but that I need the real "KELVIN" that I needed to hug and kiss him and tell him how very much I love him! What is left now is the doll, I can't seem to let it go, I can't seem to be able to breath, I just can't believe he is gone.
Full of Pain & Sorrow
MOM & DAD

Midgett Celebrates Christmas at Sea

U.S. Coast Guard | PA2 Marianna O'Leary | December 27, 2006

USCGC MIDGETT, At Sea - There's something big missing from Seattle's Pier 36 this holiday season.

The 178 men and women stationed aboard the U.S. Coast Guard Cutter Midgett have joined ranks with the thousands of deployed military personnel. Midgett and her crew will spend their holidays overseas conducting Maritime Security Operations (MSO) in the U.S. Naval Forces Central Command/U.S. 5th Fleet area of operations.

"As part of the Armed Forces of the United States, we are working with coalition forces to provide our expertise with maritime security operations as part of a constant presence [here]," said Capt. E. L. Alexander, commanding officer of Midgett. "The Coast Guard's strength lies in our ability to provide boots on deck 24-7 for boardings at sea," he continued.

Maritime Security Operations help set the conditions for security and stability in the maritime environment, as well as complement the counter-terrorism and security efforts of regional nations. These operations deny international terrorists use of the maritime environment as a venue for attack or to transport personnel, weapons or other material.

Midgett is one of many U.S. and coalition ships supporting Combined Task Force (CTF) 150, which conducts MSO in the Gulf of Oman, the Arabian Sea, Red Sea and Indian Ocean. CTF 150 also supports Operation Enduring Freedom.

While standing long watches and keeping their ship ready to perform at the high level demanded by the mission at hand, Midgett's crew has somehow found time to add an air of holiday cheer to the decks of the steel ship so far from home. Along with snowflakes and lights hung from passageways, a door-decorating contest has ensued with snowmen making appearances down passageways and family photos hanging off paper Christmas trees. The ship may not be home for the holidays but a cheer is definitely in the air.

"I've been in the Coast Guard for six years and this is the first time I've been away from home during Christmas," said Petty Officer 2nd Class Patrick Garvey, a storekeeper aboard Midgett from Springfield, Mass. "I think it's much harder on my parents than for me but I communicate each and every day via email with them and they know it's a once in a lifetime opportunity for me. I'm coping with being gone this Christmas by surrounding myself with laughter and positive energy and placing my trust in God to keep us safe and secure," said Garvey.

Through the United Service Organizations (USO) Care package program and the generosity of the American public, bags and boxes of donated holiday gifts and holiday treats began arriving onboard in the weeks leading up to Christmas. The USO gifts were quickly squirreled away by the ship's officers to the wardroom where they were wrapped in anticipation for Christmas and other holiday gift-giving to the crew.

Along with fuel and food stores via at-sea replenishment, a few Christmas trees was brought aboard Dec. 20 and set up on the mess deck.

"We are wrapping gifts, making candy and gingerbread houses and preparing the choir for Christmas carols and other activities to bring the holidays aboard Midgett," said Alexander. "You have not experienced Christmas at sea until you see a Christmas tree being hi-lined over from one ship to another."

In a letter home to the friends and family members of Midgett's crew, the captain expressed his thoughts on being away during the holidays. "No one out here, either at sea or on the ground truly wants to be away from home on Christmas. I'm proud of each and every one of these crew members. They represent the best of America as do you (the families) at home keeping everything running until our return," said Alexander.

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Hanging on-From Rocio Montagner

Kelvin's heart is so strong and so is his will to live! He is hanging on and won't give up! I walk around and with this heavy heart. Sometimes I feel I can't lift myself out of bed and the only thing that gets me through the day is my little Zacky. He is my reason to live and my life has been devoted to Kelvin and Zacky. I know that Kelvin may soon leave us but Zacky needs me and needs all the love we can give him. Someone asked me today if I wanted to commit suicide. Desperation has entered me but not the will to die. I have my Zacky who need me more than ever. He will be very lonely without his big brother and will need me somehow fill this void. I need to live for Kelvin too! Kelvin always wanted to help other children with cancer and wanted to someday cure cancer. I pray that his memory will serve others to do what he once set out to do, help children with cancer.
A fund has been established for Kelvin, we are thinking to disperser some of the monies to help children with cancer. I know that Kelvin would love us to sponsor a weekend of activities and playtime at the hospital. He always hated that the playroom was closed on weekends and he always wished they would open. I know many of the children felt this way too! He always wanted to have fun it was like he knew that his time here would be short and always wanted to play and have fun! He was living the moment!
Frank has been doing much better, I think a little angel must have spoken to him! He is much calmer and has joined me in doing all we can for Kelvin.
Thank you little angel!
I am still full of hope and pray for that miracle that can still happen! I pray that we can all have some peace. This has been such an emotional rollercoster and we just need some sort of normality in our lives.
Full of Hope and praying for a MIRACLE,
Mom & Dad

Happy 19th Birthday Savannah!

We love you baby! God has blessed us. Mom & Dad

USCGC Midgett at sea

This was published on the U.S. Coast Guard WebSite. That's Andrew on the right. You can enter the USCG WebSite by clicking on the link below.



USCGC MIDGETT, At Sea - Seaman Ross Shaffer, Seaman Kyle Lucena and Seaman Andrew Delao, crew members aboard Seattle-based CGC Midgett, prepare to receive stores from the USNS Laramie via replenishment at sea. Midgett is currently underway in the U.S. 5th Fleet area of operations conducting Maritime Security Operations (MSO) and supporting Operation Enduring Freedom. MSO help set the conditions for security and stability in the maritime environment, as well as complement the counter-terrorism and security efforts of regional nations. These operations deny international terrorists use of the maritime environment as a venue for attack or to transport personnel, weapons or other material. U.S. Coast Guard Photo by Petty Officer 2nd Class Mariana O'Leary.

United States Coast Guard Homepage

Kelvin's cry for help-From Rocio Montagner

Allot has happened since I wrote last. Kelvin continued to improve without any treatment. The swelling on his head went down which was a miracle but I noticed he was bleeding, as I changed his diaper I noticed that his urine was full of blood. I could not believe this, he was conscience talking to me asking me to change the TV to Sponge Bob but yet he was bleeding to death. I could not do nothing so I called CHLA and spoke to the oncologist on call and he felt that for Kelvin's comfort that we should transfuse platelets. Frank was totally against it, he felt that we should let Kelvin alone. I just could not sit and do nothing and watch my son bleed to death, it was not the cancer that would take him, he would die from blood loss. I contacted the hospice nurses who wanted to help me take Kelvin luckily my sister in law showed up and convinced Frank that we could not sit and do nothing. I know that Frank is tired of watching Kelvin suffer but I feel that he would suffer more if he was bleeding to death. We took him to the hospital and transfused him, when the got the blood results they saw that Kelvin's hemoglobin was 4.3 which is so low they felt this was causing his heart rate to be racing. They started to transfuse him with blood he was almost done only need less than a 1/4 of the bag when Kelvin respiration's were very low and they were so afraid he would pass there. I told them to disconnect him and we brought him home. A few hours later he began to speak and kissed me on the cheek and told me that he loved me. This was all I needed to feel that I could go on. A few hours later he began to ramble, and would repeat the same things over and over. This lasted for several hours, I could tell he was tired and spoke to the nurse and we gave him some medication to help him relax. He slept and started talking but the talking then turned into rambling. You could ask him questions and he would answer but go back to his rambling. It is so heart breaking to see him this way. Today he had been rambling but still continued to be aware until about 1:00pm when we noticed he no longer comprehends. I am so heart broken because my baby is leaving me and no longer responds to my kiss and to my touch. Frank is so angry, so very angry. He says that if we would not have done the things we have done, hydrate him, give him Tylenol for his fevers and transfuse him that Kelvin would not be suffering. He is angry because I would not let my little boy die of starvation, blood loss or convulsions due to high fevers. I love my husband but he is so angry at it is so difficult to feel hated especially since I am hurting so much for my little angel. I know it will pass and I pray that he will one day get over his anger. My son was suppose to die 12 days ago and is here with us still. I thank God for this and I know any other mother would have done what I did for their child.
Full of sadness,
Mom
P.S. I ask you to please continue to pray for my angel and to please pray that our family does not fall apart because of this tragedy, we have suffered enough!

Its Christmas Eve-From Rocio Montagner

As we sit here by Kelvin's bedside I realize it is Christmas Eve, what was once a home filled with laughter and joy in this holiday season is now filled with silence and sadness. The excitement the joy is no more and I pray that this will someday resume. I remember Kelvin standing on a stool and we would make Christmas cookies together for Santa. He would help me flatten the dough with a rolling pin and would pound his little hands while the flour would fly up in the air and we would be covered with it. We would laugh so hard. He would then help with the cookie cutters pushing them to make the perfect angel. Once the cookies were done and cooled we would sit and mix colors together to make different shades to color the cookies. He would pick the perfect ones and we would set them on a plate that read "Santa's cookies". He was so excited for Santa to try his masterpieces! We would put some in little bags and would give them to his Godmother and his aunts and uncles. They just loved getting the home made cookies as gifts it just meant so much because Kelvin made them with his two little hands.
Kelvin woke up yesterday and saw his uncle standing in front of him and he said "Hi", my heart was racing, hearing his little voice just filled me with joy. He looked at me and I kept telling him how much I love him and how he will be OK, no matter what! He said "Mommy" and fell back to sleep. How I yearned to hear his voice and now I have and it has made me so happy for just a few moments and it gives me such faith and strength to go on. He is in and out and I told him that it was Christmas Eve and if he wanted mommy to leave cookies for Santa and he nodded his head. I think that he is trapped in a body that is so tired and so hurt but his mind and spirit continue to soar. He wants very much to wake up but can't.
I think it is difficult for him to give up, I see how he is fighting for every minute he is here and just won't give up!
Early at 4.00am his pulse was racing once again and I gave him some medication to lower it he also has had some low grade fevers. I wish I knew what is happening? If he will recover? Or if this just all part of dyeing? The swelling on his head where the shunt is has also gone down which is a miracle, we were told that once this is leaking fluid that the shunt is clogged and that there is nothing else to do. He goes on, and we just don't know what the future holds. What I do know it that WHERE THERE IS LIFE THERE IS HOPE, and as long as Kelvin continues to breath and his heart continues to beat I will not loose HOPE.
He is an angel that has been sent to me who has brought me so much joy and it was then when I first held him in my arms that I knew what unconditional love really is and he gave me the gift of becoming a mother.
WHERE THERE IS LIFE THERE IS HOPE!
MOM & DAD
P.S. Please enjoy every minute with all your loved ones and give your child one more kiss and one more hug today and that extra kiss and hug is for Kelvin, he can never have enough love from all of you who have also been in this fight, his fight.

Merry Christmas to Family and Friends

Merry Christmas everyone. let's not forget that while Santa Clause and gift giving is lots of fun, it is Jesus and his birth that we celebrate.

Lord, keep our son safe and bring him back home to us safe and healthy. Keep him close to you. Please remove the bitterness from my sisters heart and help her to adjust to her physical limitations. Please bring her peace. Watch over her daughter Sunshine. Watch over all my family Lord, protect them. Lord watch over little Kelvin. Whatever your will is, let it be done. But don't let this boy and his family suffer any more. Amen

Are we there yet?

How to forgive

This was sent to me by my good friend Bob Fulton. Definitely worth sharing.


One day a while back, a man, his heart heavy with grief, was walking in the woods. As he thought about his life this day, he knew many things were not right. He thought about those who had lied about him back when he had a job. His thoughts turned to those who had stolen his things and cheated him. He remembered family that had passed on. His mind turned to the illness he had that no one could cure. His very soul was filled with anger, resentment and frustration.

Standing there this day, searching for answers he could not find, knowing all else had failed him, he knelt at the base of an old oak tree to seek the one he knew would always be there. And with tears in his eyes, he prayed:

"Lord- You have done wonderful things for me in this life. You have told me to do many things for you, and I happily obeyed. Today, you have told me to forgive. I am sad, Lord, because I cannot. I don't know how.

It is not fair Lord. I didn't deserve these wrongs that were done against me and I shouldn't have to forgive. As perfect as your way is Lord, this one thing I cannot do, for I don't know how to forgive. My anger is so deep Lord, I fear I may not hear you, but I pray that you teach me to do this one thing I cannot do - Teach me To Forgive."

As he knelt there in the quiet shade of that old oak tree,he felt something fall onto his shoulder. He opened his eyes. Out of the corner of one eye, he saw something red on his shirt.
He could not turn to see what it was because where the oak tree had been was a large square piece of wood in the ground. He raised his head and saw two feet held to the wood with a large spike through them.

He raised his head more, and tears came to his eyes as he saw Jesus hanging on a cross. He saw spikes in His hands, a gash in His side, a torn and battered body, deep thorns sunk into His head. Finally he saw the suffering and pain on His precious face. As their eyes met, the
man's tears turned to sobbing, and Jesus began to speak.

"Have you ever told a lie?" He asked? The man answered - "yes, Lord."
"Have you ever been given too much change and kept it?" The man answered - " yes. Lord." And the man sobbed more and more. "Have you ever taken something from work that wasn't
yours?" Jesus asked? And the man answered - "yes, Lord." "Have you ever sworn, using my Father's name in vain? " The man, crying now, answered - "yes, Lord."

As Jesus asked many more times, "Have you ever"? The man'scrying became uncontrollable, for he could only answer - "yes, Lord." Then Jesus turned His head from one side to the other, and
the man felt something fall on his other shoulder. He looked and saw that it was the blood of Jesus. When he looked back up, his eyes met those of Jesus, and there was a look of love the man had never seen or known before. Jesus said, "I didn't deserve this either, but I forgive you."

It may be hard to see how you're going to get through something, but when you look back in life, you realize how true this statement is.

Read the following first line slowly and let it sink in.

If God brings you to it - He will bring you through it.

Lord I love You and I need You, come into my heart, today.
For without You I can do nothing.

When Jesus died on the cross, he was thinking of you!
.

Holiday Greetings From The USCGC Midgett

This was sent to us from Andrew, aboard the U.S. Coast Guard Cutter Midgett. Best wishes to family and friends.

Why Do You Love Me? From Rocio Montagner

I remember when my little Kelvin asked me "Why do you love me?". If he could talk and ask me this once again I would remind him that the reason I love him is that he is the one and only Kelvin and he is mine!
He is mine and Gods and it looks like God has decided he wants our son back, that maybe he has bigger and better things planned for him and that his journey is done here on earth with his mommy and daddy. Kelvin has fought so hard but now he has developed a large lump on the top of his head. Looking at it I just felt a dagger threw my heart, I know exactly what this means. The shunt that was placed in his head to drain the fluid has clogged and is not working so it is a matter of time before his brain gets filled with water and it will stop sending messages to the rest of the body, his heart, lungs etc...
I sit facing him while behind me I listen to Gospel music sung by children. I think this is the only thing keeping me sane at this moment. My sister brought our little Zacky for 2 days and took him back with her. I was so afraid of confusing him or making him feel that he was the reason mommy cried so much. When he was here he did do everything possible to make us laugh and he was so loving and this made it just a little bit easier but now he is gone, everyone is gone. We are alone just the 3 of us and it is so quiet, you can just hear the oxygen machine and Kelvin breathing. This is why I am playing the songs, so I can keep my sanity.
Giving up, what exactly can I do at this point? I can pray and ask you all to pray. Again I hate to think of life without my angel. How can I ever enter his room without dyeing inside. How can I walk through this house and not think of him? He is here all around us. His pictures, his toys and his scent. I sometimes want to run away in hopes of this not being a reality but I can't. I want him to hear my voice to feel my kisses and to feel that mommy has loved him more than any human can ever be loved. All those beautiful memories that will never fade, that will never stop even if his little heart does he will be with me forever.
THE ONLY THING LEFT TO DO IS WAIT,
MOM & DAD

Just Waiting - Rocio Montagner

The days seem to melt together and I don't know how long it has been since I was told that Kelvin had 12 hours to live. He again has beat the odds and its been at least 72 hours if not more. It goes to show that the doctors don't know that only God knows and Kelvin knows. He kept pointing up as though he was seeing something. The hospice nurses were here and they said that they hear of this, the patient seeing someone. I seem to think that Kelvin is seeing his angel watching over him and helping him endure all the pain he is going through before he takes his hand and leads him to Heaven. We notice that Kelvin's face is now paralyzed on the left side, the same side of the damaged eye. He tries to talk but he does not seem to get the words out, it looks like his tongue is affected and well I am sure this is so frustrating for him. We see him trying to move his tongue but the words just don't seem to come out.
We have had a few heart stopping moments, he starts with some apnea and some coughing and well we think that God is calling him home. Kelvin keeps hanging on and just won't let go. He is a fighter and well is just not ready. We have told him to go, we have told him he is tired and needs to rest. I don't want him to suffer any longer! I keep praying that God will take him in his sleep without allowing him to suffer any longer, then I tell God if you are not going to take him then LET HIM LIVE BUT NO MORE SUFFERING!! He has gone through so much, much more than most adults will ever go through in their entire life. I remember when I use to force him to take his medications he would tell me "I am just a little boy, don't make me!" He is so right, he "Just a little boy" and no little boy should go through such pain!
Sometimes I am angry, especially when I see that some mothers are throwing their babies in the trash and here I am trying to save mine! Parents that well beat, hurt and just don't love their children and I again I have tried my best to do all I can and I have LOVED more than I feel possible. How can this be?? Was this Kelvin's destiny since the beginning and that's why God chose us? Kelvin would be here for a short while and needed to be loved his whole life time? Well he was and still is and forever will be.
We continue to pray for peace. We need peace, the storm has subsided but the rain continues to fall. We are waiting for the clouds to clear and for the sun to shine once again.
I lay by Kelvin's side and I talk to him about all the wonderful memories, I especially talk to him about the Disney Cruise and that soon we will be together again and we will go on the cruise. I believe that we will all be together again and that this wish, Kelvin's wish that may not be possible here on earth will be possible in Heaven.

MAY THE CLOUDS CLEAR & MAY THE SUN SHINE ONCE AGAIN!!
Mom & Dad

A Different Christmas Poem

This beautiful poem was sent to me by my sister-in-law Teri De la O. I thought it was worth sharing. Thank you Teri.


A Different Christmas Poem

The embers glowed softly, and in their dim light,
I gazed round the room and I cherished the sight.
My wife was asleep, her head on my chest, My daughter beside me, angelic in rest.
Outside the snow fell, a blanket of white,
Transforming the yard to a winter delight.
The sparkling lights in the tree I believe,
Completed the magic that was Christmas eve.
My eyelids were heavy, my breathing was deep,
Secure and surrounded by love I would sleep.
In perfect contentment, or so it would seem,
So I slumbered,perhaps I started to dream.
The sound wasn't loud, and it wasn't too near
But I opened my eyes when it tickled my ear.
Perhaps just a cough, I didn't quite know,
Then the sure sound of footsteps outside in the snow.
My soul gave a tremble, I struggled to hear,
And I crept to the door just to see who was near.
Standing out in the cold and the dark of the night,
Alone figure stood, his face weary and tight.
A soldier, I puzzled, some twenty years old,
Perhaps a Marine, huddled here in the cold.
Alone in the dark, he looked up and smiled,
Standing watch over me and my wife and my child.
"What are you doing?" I asked without fear,
"Come in this moment, it's freezing out here!
Put down your pack, brush the snow from your sleeve,
You should be at home on a cold Christmas Eve!"
For barely a moment I saw his eyes shift,
Away from the cold and the snow blown in drifts.
To the window that danced with a warm fire's light
Then he sighed and he said 'It's really alright,
I'm out here by choice, I'm here every night.
It's my duty to stand at the front of the line,
That separates you from the darkest of times.
No one had to ask, or beg or implore me,
I'm proud to stand here like my fathers before me.
My gramps died at pearl on a day in December,"
Then he sighed, "That's a Christmas Gram always remembers.
My Dad stood his watch in the jungles of 'Nam'
And now it's my turn and so, here I am.
I've not seen my own son in more than a while,
But my wife sends me pictures, he's sure got her smile."
Then he bent and he carefully pulled from his bag,
The red, white and blue... an American flag.
"I can live through the cold and the being alone,
Away from my family, my house and my home.
I can stand at my post through the rain and the sleet,
I can sleep in a fox hole with little to eat.
I can carry the weight of killing another,
Or lay down my life with my sister or brother...
Who stand at the front against any and all,
To ensure for all time that this flag will not fall."
"So go back inside," he said, "Harbor no fright,
Your family is waiting and I'll be alright."
"But isn't there something I can do, at the least,
Give you money?" I asked, "or prepare you a feast?
For being away from your wife and your son."
Then his eye welled a tear that held no regret.
"Just tell us you love us, and never forget.
To fight for our rights back at home while we're gone,
To stand your own watch no matter how long.
For when we come home either standing or dead,
To know you remember we fought and we bled.
Is payment enough, and with that we will trust,
That we mattered to you as you mattered to us."

Filled with hope! From Rocio Montagner

Kelvin was at the brink of death his breathing was irregular only breathing a few times then stopping, they called this apnea. The hospice nurses stayed until midnight waiting for him to pass away. I told them that thankfully we were surrounded by our loving family and that we would contact them if needed. All of a sudden he began to improve, his breathing became regular and he has not vomited for approx 24 hours. He continues to spit up blood and we are constantly cleaning his mouth with suction so that he does not choke. He has been pretty stable and the nurses came back to check up on him and are very surprised. All I know is that I have been blessed with another day. The doctors were anticipating him passing in 12 hours but again my little warrior has surprised them and is going on 36 hours and fighting to stay alive! When he was declining he would clasp his little hands and ask God to allow him to stay! He does not want to give up! We have told him to rest but he is doing what he wants as he should he is in control!
We continue to wait and pray that these are all signs of him surviving and sharing his presence with us for a while longer.
Filled with Hope and Praying for a Miracle!!
Mom & Dad
P.S. Please join us in our plea, we just don't want to loose our love, our angel our son.

Urgent Prayers Needed! From Rocio Montagner

As I sit here in this familiar place I begin to think "How many times can my Heart break?" We were so hopeful watching Kelvin improve, taking him to Chucky Cheese to play and watching him live! I know I kept asking God for just "ONE MORE DAY" but it looks like those days are over! Kelvin has been declining rapidly, he started with leg pains then his left eye became paralyzed and now he has been vomiting nonstop since Friday morning 4:00am. He has vomited so much that he must have severely hurt something and now he vomits gushes of blood. How can this be? If God wants to take my angel why must Kelvin suffer so much? I just don't understand!! Last night when this began I knelt down and told God "You win, he is yours!" For the first time I felt that enough is enough! I remember talking to God and saying that he can make me suffer as much as He sees fit, but to watch Kelvin vomit so much blood is unbearable! Kelvin is semi conscience and as I lay by his side and hold his hand he seems to find the strength to say "Mommy I love you". Words can not begin to describe the pain that both Frank and I are feeling at these moments. As much as I want to be strong I find myself constantly in tears. I keep thinking "Why?" and "How?". I just can't make sense of all this that is happening. We are all here, surrounded by family, WAITING! Waiting to see if more suffering will be bestowed on my son, waiting to see if Kelvin has not suffered enough that more is coming? Waiting to see if God can't take watching Kelvin in so much pain and decide to take him away from all this cruelty and taking him to a place where pain is none existent. Where Kelvin can once again run, play and laugh. I am now in a place where I have begged God to either cure him or take him once and for all and not allow him to suffer any further. Yes I have decided that I am sell fish to want to keep him only to watch him suffer with every breath he takes which has become difficult. Kelvin is gasping and hold his chest begging for another breath. Is this right, first he begs for a cure and now he begs for a breath!
I am asking you all to please help us to ask God to please decide what his plan if for Kelvin. Will he cure Kelvin to show that he can perform a miracle and allow Kelvin to spread his word? Or will he stop the suffering and take him to rest and be free of pain? I told Kelvin not to be afraid, that he will soon be able to run and play and that God will take him to a beautiful place and that his wish of the Disney Cruise will soon come true! I have also told Kelvin that he has won! That he has defeated the monsters and that they will never, ever bother him again! That we will all be together soon and that we will all play and have fun like we did once before!
So again I ask you all to please gather and pray for Kelvin's Miracle or Kelvin's final journey to take place!
Begging for an answer,
MOM & DAD

A Tribute To My Father

This is my tribute to my father Andrew Salazar De La O, who passed away twenty-five years ago, this year. It is both an elegy and a eulogy to a man, that is loved and missed by his family. I have tried to show, both in words, and in photos, at least in part, his life, and what he missed. I hope you enjoy it. Just click onto the link below to enter his site, or you can go to the links section on the right hand side of this page and click on "A Tribute to my father" .

Click here for tribute

Getting Tired - Rocio Montagner

Even though Kelvin continues to want to fight it looks like his little body is getting tired! He is having leg pains and neck pain. He can't stand or walk anymore. He is also not wanting to eat a thing and well this is to hard on us! Kelvin has lost use of his left eye, he can't blink so its always tearing and he says "Mommy, I think I am crying, I think I may be sad" I tell him its his eye and we are praying for it to get better. We continue to pray that God will have mercy on our family and allow us to keep Kelvin for a while! I don't know how much he can take! I have heard of little ones battling cancer and fought until the end and never wanted to die and this scares me so much. How can it be possible? How can a child want to live and not be granted this? It just does not seem right!
The holidays have been so difficult, watching everyone celebrate and live while we grieve for what we may no longer share together. We continue to pray and even though we are sad we are still full of hope and pray for a miracle. Our friends tell us they feel guilty because their lives are filled with joy and health. I tell them not to feel guilty that they must enjoy life and be grateful everyday for what they have been blessed with. Live can change in a second so savor the moments!
Frank continues to be extremely sad and he has every right! I think you get to a point where you just can't hold those tears back any longer, it is so automatic and as hard as you try to be strong and not cry it just happens!
Zachary has been so very loving, I don't know what he knows or what he understand but he just wants to kiss me and hug me and be in arms. Its like he just wants to comfort me and tell me that everything will be all right, some how everything will one day be all right. Those of you who now my little "Terror" you know that this is not his way, he usually smacks us and throws balls and pillows. I think that he knows our sadness and just wants us to know that he is here and that he will give us the reason to go on! Let me tell you, if it was not for Zacky we would have no reason to live.
We will continue to fight for the days to come, I continue to ask Kelvin if he is tired and want to just rest and he says "NO! I am going to fight and ask God to help me with the pain and help me take my medicines" He is unstoppable he is my hero!
Filled with Love & Hope
MOM & DAD
P.S. If I could, I would take my son to the moon so that we could be together forever!

Struggling Financially - Rocio Montagner

I have been updating you all about bringing Kelvin to Mexico for treatment, he has needed to get more low dose radiation and some MRI's & CT scans you just imagine what a financial drain it has been for our family, especially since Frank has not worked since Kelvin was diagnosed "Terminal". We are spending approx $5500.00 a week on treatment plus lodge & food which is another $450.00 a week. We have been coming now for 6 weeks so you can imagine how much we have spent so far. This is not including the extra cost that are not covered by the weekly treatment cost which have been about $4,500.00.
Kelvin's teacher set up a fund for Kelvin a few months ago, it is registered with the IRS as a nonprofit fund so I believe any donations would be tax deductible. I have tried not to ask but we have reached this point now so if you can donate we would greatly appreciate it!! We feel terrible asking during the holidays but must. We believe we will be coming an additional 2 weeks so are in need. Kelvin's account is at Wells Fargo Bank of California:
THE KELVIN MONTAGNER DONATION FUND
#645-2171355
Thank you all again for all your prayers, we continue to need them!!
Kelvin has lost use of his left eye and we need to continue to treat it, he says he needs it to pay video games!
Filled with HOPE & APPRECIATION
MOM & DAD

I Want Kelvin to LIVE!! From Rocio Montagner

Kelvin has been so brave and never seems to complain. He had a rough night since he had some abdominal pain but he is resting comfrotably today. I had a rose and a Zacky pulled a pedal off of it. I picked up the pedal to throw it in the trash but Kelvin stopped me and said "Mommy don't throw it away, don't give up on it! Let me try and fix it and put it back on the flower you'll see, it will grow back and be healthy again!" As I heard his words I could see that his will to live was unstoppable! He feels that he can do anything and that he has the power to heal. I continue to pray that God will allow him to win this battle and that he will have the opportunity to "Be Healthy Again" and that God will "FIX" him! He smiles often and speaks clearly. He is having problems with his vision closing one eye to focus I am not sure because he won't admit it but I think he sees double and needs to close one eye to see 1 item instead of 2.
We had planned to go on our Disney Cruise in January in hopes he would be strong enough to walk. I am still praying that this is some sort of fluke and that he will go back to walking and we can go on the cruise! So close but not close enough to making this journey!! I want to keep as positive as possiable. Yesterday Frank, my rock, felt so sad and broke down. He is entitled but I feel so scared! Its been a while since I have cried but I just can't stop now. When I saw him so sad I was able to keep it together but now I can't any longer! I want to be strong and pray for strength but sometimes feel that my heart can't handle anymore! We have fought so hard, all of us together doing all we can to beat this! It is so frustrating and upsetting.
Today I went to pick up some food and ran into our favorite waiter, he asked about Kelvin and I just cried, he handed me a long stem rose and said that it was from "Virgen of Guadalupe" that he has been asking Her to please heal my angel. I smiled and felt so good in knowing that there are so many caring and loving people praying for our angel!
Tomorrow is another day and we pray that it will be a good one and we will do all we can to enjoy our little angel and to make him as happy as possiable! He is our Love and our Life, we want the best for him and we just want him to live! It that so much to ask??
Love Mom & DAD
P.S. I am attatching a poem that made me cry but it so beautiful I must share it with you all!!









"I'll lend you for a little time, a child of mine" He said,
For you to love while he lives, and mourn when he is dead.
It may be six or seven years, or twenty-two, or three,
but will you, 'til I call him back, take care of him for Me?

He'll bring his charms to gladden you, and shall his stay be brief,
you'll have his lovely memories as solace for your grief.
I cannot promise he will stay, since all from earth return,
but there are lessons taught down there I want that child to learn.

I've looked the wide world over in my search for teachers true,
and from the throngs that crowd life's lanes I have selected you.
Now will you give him all your love, nor think the labor vain,
nor hate me when I come to call, to bring him back again?"

I fancied that I heard them say... "Dear Lord, Thy will be done,
For all the joy Thy child will bring, the risk of grief we'll run.
We'll shelter him with tenderness, we'll love him while we may,
and for the happiness we've known, will ever grateful stay.

But shall the angels call for him much sooner than we planned,
We'll brave the bitter grief that comes, and try to understand."