Legal Confirmation - From Rocio Montagner

It has been 26 days since Kelvin passed away, I can't help but continue to pray and hope that there has been some sort of mistake that it did not happen. Today we spent most of the day with our friend Manny. He is always so full of joy and positive advice and well he just makes us feel good. He loved my Kelvin so very much and you can tell in his voice and in his eyes when we talk about all the good times our families have had together. There have been some pretty difficult days. Tuesday was a bit difficult, first Zacky was so excited in his speech class that he threw himself back and his head hit me in the eye. Yes I am walking around with a black eye! I know that it has made it a conversation piece to say the least. I wore sunglasses most of the day. I picked up the mail and there it was, a card from the Disney Cruise. I clutched the card and all I could think was how much my little angel wanted to go and this was just another reminder of the failure I have felt because we were not able to make his wish come true. I think I must have cried over an hour just wishing we had gone. The next day after breakfast Zacky had the card and kept pointing at Mickey, I took a look at it and looked at Frank and we decided that we would take Zacky when he turns 4. I think Kelvin would approve!
When we got home tonight we picked up the mail and there it was, legal confirmation of what I knew but did not want to be reminded, Kelvin's death certificate. I just sometimes don't know how much pain must a parent endure? It is legal confirmation, public record so that everyone who cares to know, knows! Yes, Kelvin is dead, it happened and now there is a legal document to prove it! The fantasy that I sometimes choose to live, is no more! I won't ever wake up from this nightmare, he is not staying with family or friends, he is not in the hospital getting his chemo treatment, he is gone! I can never hold him again, I can never feel his warm little head and kiss it, I can never again hear those words that I miss so very much "I love you mommy". Never again, it is all gone taken away by a horrible monster, CANCER! I hate the word, I hate the beast that took my innocent little boy! It hurts so much to face this reality! I know that some of you know what I am talking about because you too have lost your child, but those who have not will never understand.
Just when you think you are able to exist without you find out that instead of it being easier it gets more difficult. It was quite a blow for Frank as well, I could see his eyes filled with tears as he read Kelvin's death certificate. He tries to be so strong, so very strong but I see that he has taken quite the beating. I tell him its okay to be sad, its okay to cry but I see that he does his best to remain strong.
Time they say is what makes the wound heal. Time, just give it time. I know it will take many weeks, months and possibly years before the hurt will feel better.
Praying for strength to endure the "TIME" it will take heal.
MOM & DAD

Family Photo 1993

This was taken at Knott's Berry Farm in 1993 on Meranda's 16th birthday. It's one of my favorite photo of Jeri and I with the kids.

Carlos Santana - Live In Japan.

This is 1 hour, 29 minutes and 43 seconds, so watch it when you have a little time to kill.

Led Zeppelin live performing the song: Stairway to Heaven.

From "Pat Garrett & Billy The Kid" (1973) Bob Dylan's Knockin' on Heaven's Door

What's Important?

Another Flower in God's Garden - From Rocio Montagner

When you live in my world, the world where you know people with cancer, you find yourself so broken hearted. Cancer an unforgiving disease, it does not matter if you are rich or poor what color, religion or sex you are, not even if you are a child or a grown up! It happens. Well in our journey this terrible journey of ours we met some pretty wonderful people! I remember a friend telling me once "Don't get involved, just go do what you are suppose to do and then go home! You will end up getting hurt!" But how can I do this? Me? If you know me you know that this is impossible! I love people and yes I get involved!
In our journey we met the most wonderful women, Sandy. She was so beautiful both inside and out! She had these sparkling eyes and well we just fell in love with her and yes she fell in love with Kelvin. We were fighting the same horrible battle. Unfortunately she too lost her battle to cancer but she won the Kingdom of God, another flower for God's garden.
Tomorrow we will attend her funeral and it breaks my heart to know that she fought as hard as she could but just could not conquer the monster, cancer. Kelvin got Sandy hooked on his favorite snack "Pirate Booty"! When we would go for our appointments he would hide a bag under his blanket and would say "Sandy, I have a surprise for you! Close your eyes" and she would and he would pull out the bag for her! I will always remember this. I bet you when she went to Heaven Kelvin was waiting with a bag of Pirate Booty for her! This is what Kelvin would do!
As for me, I have had better days! Yesterday after crying for a while Frank asked me "Bad day?" all I could respond was "No, bad life". I do my best to remind myself what a warrior I raised, how strong and fearless my little angel was but not me, I can't help but be so very sad. There is nothing more to do but to cry and hurt. I just miss him so very much! When I see all that we have done, all the plans that we have made all the dreams that we had, they all included Kelvin. Again this house seems so big so empty without my baby. I went into his room and I again smell his pillow and his sheets and it if he was still here. But I know that he is gone. There is a picture of him and Billy that hangs on his wall and he is so happy and I close my eyes and pretend that he is sitting on the floor with his PlayStation playing and laughing! Like he did so many times before. But when I open my eyes he is not there, just his picture. I ask myself almost every minute "How can I survive?" I just don't know. Zacky keeps my heart beating at this point, he dances and laughs and it is this that makes me survive. Frank does his best to keep going, he too tries his best to keep busy but every so often I see a tear and he too fights to survive. It is all a dream a horrible never ending dream and we just can't seem to wake up.
Struggling to Survive,
MOM & DAD

Rev. Martin Luther King, Jr. 1929 - 1968, ... The dreamer is gone...the dream lives on!

"I have a dream.....that one day this nation will rise up and live out the true meaning of its creed: 'We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal. I have a dream that one day on the red hills of Georgia, the sons of former slaves and the sons of former slave owners will be able to sit down together at the table of brotherhood. I have a dream that one day even the state of Mississippi, a state sweltering with the heat of injustice, sweltering with the heat of oppression, will be transformed into an oasis of freedom and justice. I have a dream that my four little children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin but by the content of their character. I have a dream today!" Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. August 28, 1963

Cars Broken Into at Funeral - From Rocio Montagner

I am very upset when I tell you that about 8 cars were broken into at Kelvin's funeral. Apparently this happens in a regular basis and Forrest Lawn does nothing about it! It looks like one of the victims contacted the Daily News and they want a stop to these horrible criminals taking advantage of mourners. If you have been a victim or know of anyone in the past who has been broken into at the Forest Lawn in Hollywood Hills please contact Eugene at (818) 546-3304. I remember a few months ago while I was at the hospital outpatient oncology clinic that a very sweet and caring nurse named Alyson who had attended a funeral for Max was broken into! She is no longer there and she told me the same thing I am hearing today that Forest Lawn does nothing about this, not even post signs warning people not to leave their valuables in the car! I think that the story should be written so that more people are aware and maybe Forest Lawn will increase their security or maybe even install cameras to catch these horrible thieves!
Delete Reply

Keeping Busy - From Rocio Montagner

The days seem to go on and I just don't know how I seem to make it through sometimes. We try so hard to keep busy but when we sit down to have a meal we just feel it so much! We feel the pain knowing that Kelvin is not sitting with us having lunch. I continue to put his Sponge bob place-mat on the table as I did every day before he died. I hate the silence, I hate thinking and try to fill my brain with so many things just to stop missing my little angel.
This Saturday my sisters all got together and made dinner for us and invited some of Frank's family. My nephew who is 9 and well Kelvin's favorite cousin felt so sad. He was so use to playing PlayStation with Kelvin. My sister saw how sad he was and called her neighbor so that her son could come and play with him. Once his friend was gone I could see how much he missed my Kelvin, he layed in bed so very sad, I tried to console him and told him how much Kelvin loved him and that he will always be Kelvin's favorite cousin! I also told him that Kelvin is watching over him now. I could see the pain in his eyes and he tried so hard to fight back the tears. As I told him this, I wanted so much to believe this! Sometimes I wonder if my little angel realizes how much we love him and how much we miss him! I notice that everyone is so afraid to mention Kelvin's name. I think they are so afraid that I will burst out in tears or that I will be upset. I want to educate YOU ALL!! We as Kelvin's mommy and daddy want to remember Kelvin! As a matter a fact if you do not mention him it like you have forgotten he ever existed and this is my worst fear! Kelvin LIVED and I believe that he changed so many of you! This is why I want you to continue to talk to me about him, I want him to be REMEMBERED!! He is my HERO and hero's are not forgotten! Yes I will continue to cry because I just can't stop, I must cry every few hours because I miss him and love him so much!
We continue to schedule busy projects hoping that we will be exhausted and have no other choice but sleep, but this has been a challenge. It was 4:20am and Frank was tossing and turning and finally I told him I too was awake and just could not sleep. It is almost 1:00am now and I have been cleaning, doing laundry and still can't seem to be tired enough to sleep! I pray that one day it will be a routine, I have not had a good night sleep over a year now, always worried always stressed out that something horrible would happen and it has but now it is even more difficult because this horrible thing happened and there is no way out of it! When you have a problem you think, and think of a solution and you won't sleep until you find it! Well I can't find a solution, there is no solution! One day the sleep will come, one day it will be a routine again!
Now I lay me down to sleep, pray that God my child he will let me keep. I say this because I am now having nightmares about loosing my Zacky, how could this be?? I ask myself if this is a sign of some sort or is this paranoia? I just don't know but again pray that God will let me keep my little child that I have left.
Our home seems so big now, we were 4 and now we are 3. How can this be? I remember when Kelvin went into remission and his Make a Wish granters came to the house he asked them for a "Big House"! They laughed and said "So what's your second wish?" Frank and I promised ourselves that we were going to make his wish come true! And we did! We moved 1 1/2 hours away in order to afford the "Big" house. Frank's commute went from 25 minutes to 1hour and 45 minutes! This is how much we wanted to make Kelvin's wish come true! And we did! Now we are left with this "Big" empty house. Zacky tries to fill it but it needs Kelvin to be complete. I sometimes listen really hard in hopes of hearing Kelvin's little voice but it's gone.
Praying for some peace of mind,
MOM & DAD

Dan Osman - Extreme Climbing

This guy is unbelievable! Check out both videos.

Trying to survive - From Rocio Montagner

As the days go by the horrible, horrible truth becomes more of a reality. As the days have gone by I am feeling the loss of my baby more and more. The week we were planning Kelvin's funeral kept me busy and preoccupied making sure everything was like it should be, like Kelvin would have wanted it. When the week was over, the service, the last day of visitation it hit me. This is really happening and I can't do anything to stop it! My baby, my little soldier is gone and I will never be able to hold him, kiss him or hear him say "I love you mommy". He is really gone. Sunday the last day of visitation when it was time to go I just wanted to hold him in my arms like I had so many times before. But I could not, he was there lifeless not being able to move. I remember staring at him so hard hoping his little chest would start going up and down signs that he was breathing once again. But he was not, and he would never breath again. I remember kissing him and touching his little hands, I just felt every little finger just like I did the day he was born, making sure he was all right and he had all of his 10 fingers and toes. I keep praying that he is good with God sitting on his lap perhaps trying to sell him a glass of lemonade? I don't know all I know is that I miss him so very much and it hurts so very much! The only consolation I have is knowing that he no longer has any pain, that will no longer have to take a pill or have a shot. This gives me comfort knowing that he is resting now.
Why do children get cancer? Why isn't anyone doing anything more about it? Why is this wonderful country spending more money on horrible wars than they do in curing cancer? We can send a man to the moon but we can't cure cancer why is this? I can sit her for hours pondering this and still I am in the same place that I started not having any answers to these questions I ask. All I know is that this should not be and it is.
I continue to pray for my little angel and I pray that he running and laughing and is happier than he has ever been. I pray that the pain in my heart, in Franks heart is lessened with everyday. I pray that I am able to sleep a full night not waking up to check if this is a horrible nightmare. I pray that I am given the strength to do what I am suppose to do to full fill my destiny. This is what continues to give me strength, believing that some good will come and that Kelvin's memory will bring good in many people.
Praying for Tranquility,
Love Mom

Free Puppies

'Grease,' Matt & Remembering Kelvin - From Access Hollywood

'Grease,' Matt & Remembering Kelvin









by Billy Bush
Just leaving New York now to return home to my family. I've been out shilling my new show Grease: You're The One That I Want on NBC.
On that note, I hope people tune in to see this show. It's got a lot of heart and the payoff to the premise is huge. There is no show on television that carries such consequences - America's choices for Danny and Sandy go straight to Broadway and have to carry a major stage production. The drama is there.

I felt very lucky to be at the Today Show this morning to promote the show on the day that Matt Lauer was being honored for his 10 years in the anchor chair. I have a ton of respect for Matt. He is not only one of the best interviewers on TV, due to his natural wit and preparedness, but he is a humble and gracious guy.
The moments they wheeled back were hysterical and poignant. And at the end of the 8 o'clock hour when John Ondrasik (Mr. Five for Fighting) sang '100 Years' for Matt, my eyes filled (half way thank God) with tears.
We should all take a moment to reflect on the valuable moments in life. I choose to Thank God. My thoughts drifted from my friend Matt and his contributions to my beautiful and supportive wife and my daughters and for that moment, I was frozen in happiness.
Now, I return to them for the weekend.
On the plane I will put the finishing touches on my eulogy for a boy, very close to me, who passed away. His name was Kelvin Montagner and cancer finally wrestled him to the mat. He fought with the heart of a lion and his passing leaves a destroyed family. Amazingly, their faith is unshaken.
You may remember Kelvin...I first met him at Childrens Hospital in LA with Eva Longoria. After that meeting he and I stayed in touch. I visited him often. We went to the movies and to Universal Studios...to his house for a homemade Mexican feast...I thought I could help lift him up for the fight and that maybe it would help him win.
In the end, Kelvin lost the fight and the only one to gain was me. He taught me more about life and the will to live than anyone ever has. I will cherish his memory and look forward to celebrating his life in front of his family and friends.
Rest in Peace and thank you Kelvin.

James Taylor & Carole King-You've Got A Friend '71

James Taylor - Country Road '71

New Photo

Additional day of visitation

For those of you who were not able to see Kelvin, Forest Lawn Hollywood Hills has been kind enough to add an additional day of visitation. Sunday January 7, 2007 from 12-9pm
call Forest Lawn directly for directions or information at (800) 204-3131.

6300 Forest Lawn Dr, Los Angeles Ca. 90068

Kelvin Montagner Obituary-From Today's Daily News

Kelvin Montagner
MONTAGNER June 11, 1999 - Dec. 30, 2006 Kelvin was granted his angel wings on December 30, 2006 after a long courageous battle with cancer. He was just 7, our angel our little soldier. His final days were spent surrounded by his loving family and frie nds. He touched so many and will be remembered always. Kelvin was born in West Covina, California, and later moved to Palmdale where he attended Cimarron Elementary School where he left his mark. He enjoyed playing soccer, swimming, karate and thought he was the Play Station champion of the world. His dream was to become a "Cancer Doctor" to kill the "Monster" as he would call it so that no other child would have to battle such a beast ever again! Kelvin is survived by his daddy, Frank; his mommy, Rocio; and his baby brother, Zachary; and lots of family and friends that will miss him dearly. Visitation will be held on Friday, January 5, 2007, from 6:00 to 9:00 p.m., and Funeral Services on Saturday December 6, 2007, from 3:00 to 4:00 p.m., at Church of the Hills at Forest Lawn Hollywood Hills, Los Angeles, CA (800) 204-3131. In lieu of flowers donations to "Kelvin Montagner Donation Fund" Wells Fargo #645-2171355.

Published in the Los Angeles Daily News on 1/5/2007.

Go to Kelvin's obituary link below and sign the guestbook.

Link to Kelvin's Obituary In The Los Angeles Daily News

Kelvin Montagner's Funeral Information

Kelvin Montagner's Funeral
FOREST LAWN-HOLLYWOOD HILLS
6300 Forest Lawn Drive Los Angeles, CA 90068
(800) 204-3131
Friday January 5, 2007
VISITATION-6:00pm-9:00pm
***********************************
Saturday January 6, 2007
FUNERAL- 3:00-4:00 (Church opens at 2:30)
Held at "CHURCH OF THE HILLS"
Kelvin was not able to go on his Disney Cruise so we are asking you to please dress in bright colors, cruise attire or with clothing with a Disney character. He loved Disney and he is now on the best cruise ever!
Reception to follow: RED VEST PIZZA
12639 Glenoaks Blvd (In the Ralph's Center)
Sylmar, Ca.91342
(818) 362-1536
Kelvin wanted to have a "Cancer Go Away Party" and wanted to have it at a pizza parlor so in his honer we will celebrate his life here.
If you have any question please call Ruby Flores at (909 )503-2476 or Diana Barba at (818) 419-6734. In lieu of flowers we are asking that you make a donation to the "Kelvin Montagner Donation Fund" Wells Fargo Acct. #645-2171355. We will be dispersing some of the funds to Kelvin's & family's favorite charities: Padres Contra Cancer (sponsoring a dinner for families at the hospital), Chase Child Life Program (To help the playroom open on weekends & toys), The National Children's Cancer Society (Helping other families) and Hoffman Hospice (Keeping Kelvin comfrotable).

A Different Perspective

Review of "Pursuit of Happyness"

I saw this movie a few nights ago, and I enjoyed it. I was skeptical going in, but my wife wanted to see this movie, and I went along just for the ride. Surprise, surprise, it was a good movie. I thought Will Smith did a pretty good job, and for the first time really showed some depth in his acting. The scene in the bathroom was really intense.

My only problem with this movie, and it's not really a big deal, but I thought his bad luck streak was getting just a little reptitive and over the top, and it made the movie seem drawn out, but other than that I did enjoy it.

I was disappointed in Will Smith's portrayal of Muhhumed Ali in "Ali". I thought he was way over the top and I always had the feeling he was trying to act like Ali, a little too hard. Maybe it was just that playing Ali is a difficult task for any actor. At any rate, he more than makes up for it in this movie.

Child of Mine - Sent to me by Rocio Montagner

I like to think that we were chosen to share our lives with our preciouse little angel. Rocio Montagner



"I'll lend you for a little time, a child of mine" He said,
For you to love while he lives, and mourn when he is dead.
It may be six or seven years, or twenty-two, or three,
but will you, 'til I call him back, take care of him for Me?

He'll bring his charms to gladden you, and shall his stay be brief,
you'll have his lovely memories as solace for your grief.
I cannot promise he will stay, since all from earth return,
but there are lessons taught down there I want that child to learn.

I've looked the wide world over in my search for teachers true,
and from the throngs that crowd life's lanes I have selected you.
Now will you give him all your love, nor think the labor vain,
nor hate me when I come to call, to bring him back again?"

I fancied that I heard them say... "Dear Lord, Thy will be done,
For all the joy Thy child will bring, the risk of grief we'll run.
We'll shelter him with tenderness, we'll love him while we may,
and for the happiness we've known, will ever grateful stay.

But shall the angels call for him much sooner than we planned,
We'll brave the bitter grief that comes, and try to understand."

A long and difficult day - Rocio Montagner

Today we had to meet with the mortuaries and it was the most difficult thing a parent can ever do, to plan their child's funeral. I was very blessed to have my 2 sisters join us. When I was confused they would ask the questions. I held it together for most of the meeting, but there came a point when I could no longer hold back the tears, and the tears just would not stop! Our funeral director a mom with a young child could not help but to join us in our sorrow. She said that thankfully they do not see many children and that it is just so difficult. Our appointment took 4 hours, and I just could not take it any longer!
We decided to have a viewing, for us. I just have to see my little angel once again. Most of our family would like to see him also. He is so beautiful.
We will be sending an official e-mail but here is the funeral information:

FOREST LAWN-HOLLYWOOD HILLS
6300 Forest Lawn Drive Los Angeles, CA 90068
(800) 204-3131
Friday January 5, 2007
VISITATION-6:00pm-9:00pm
***********************************
Saturday January 6, 2007
FUNERAL- 3:00-4:00 (Church opens at 2:30)
Held at "CHURCH OF THE HILLS"

Kelvin was not able to go on his Disney Cruise so we are asking you to please dress in bright colors, cruise attire or with clothing with a Disney character. He loved Disney and he is now on the best cruise ever!

Reception to follow: RED VEST PIZZA
12639 Glenoaks Blvd (In the Ralph's Center)
Sylmar, Ca.91342
(818) 362-1536
Kelvin wanted to have a "Cancer Go Away Party" and wanted to have it at a pizza parlor so in his honer we will celebrate his life here.

If you have any question please call Ruby Flores at (909 )503-2476 or Diana Barba at (818) 419-6734. In lieu of flowers we are asking that you make a donation to the "Kelvin Montagner Donation Fund" Wells Fargo Acct. #645-2171355. We will be dispersing some of the funds to Kelvin's & family's favorite charities: Padres Contra Cancer (sponsoring a dinner for families at the hospital), Chase Child Life Program (To help the playroom open on weekends & toys), The National Children's Cancer Society and Hoffmen Hospice (Helped us keep Kelvin comfortable everyday). Envelopes will be provided at the service.

MGM Cartoon 1939 Peace On Earth

A little after Christmas and I know the Holidays are coming to an end, still, I thought it was worth viewing, especially us old timers who remember the old cartoons. Enjoy!

MGM Cartoon 1939 Peace On Earth
Uploaded by shawshawshaw

Happy New Years!! 2007

Another year has gone by. Another cycle around the sun. Another chance to keep your resolutions….again. Another chance to start over….again. Another chance to renew your faith!

I know that all of our prayers are with the Montagner family; Frank, Rocio and Zacky as they struggle with their loss. Please continue to keep them in your prayers and your thoughts. I never knew Kelvin personally, but through his mother’s beautiful letters we were all able to know, at least in part, a little about this little fighter. Take Rocio’s advice and give your kids some extra love, just because! Rest in peace Kelvin.

Keep my sister Evelyn, and her daughter Sunshine in your prayers., as well as Benny “Beany” Mendoza, as he struggles with eye surgery.. Keep my son Andrew and all the men and women serving in Iraq and around the world in your prayers, that they may come home safe, …and soon! Happy New Years!