I am very happy to report that we got back today from Disneyland! Kelvin was so excited to go! I asked him if he wanted to go and he said "yes". So we called our friend Billy and he set it up for us. Kelvin has been very weak and quiet but yesterday there was magic! He watched the parade and he was clapping and dancing in his wheel chair. He also kept waving to the characters. This is what has kept me going knowing that my little boy is happy and is having fun! He loved all the rides especially the Buzz Light year. He was so excited about shooting Zurg. We went with his cousins and friends and everyone was so concerned making sure Kelvin was having a great time!! We had our tour guides who made the day extra special taking us to the front of the line so Kelvin did not have to wait! He felt so important and so special and well he is! As I watched my son laugh I could not stop the tears, I wanted to enjoy every moment but some where inside I kept thinking about how very ill my little angel is! He is so amazing, there is this horrible monster taking over his little head and he some how finds the strength to laugh and have fun! This morning we had brunch at Goofy's kitchen, there were Disney characters walking around and he got to take pictures with them and get their autographs! It was magical to see him so happy and excited! We went on this big limo that was filled with balloons! On our way home I must have cried the last 10 miles just thinking of the reality that awaited us. Kelvin is sick and continues to be sick. I remember telling moms at the hospital to be strong and have faith that their children would make it! Most of them did and now I sit here with the news on my child and all I can do is fall apart! I am grateful to God for allowing my little angel to enjoy himself, I am grateful for the smiles and the talks Kelvin and I have. I am grateful for having this day and praying for many more! I hear my family and friends telling me how sad they are about my baby. My pain is so great, I sometimes feel as though I can't go on. The only thing keeping me alive is the breath that comes from my little boy. I keep thinking how much Zachary needs me too but all I keep thinking is how will I survive if my Kelvin is gone? How will my heart beat if part of it is gone? How will I breath if Kelvin does not? I keep praying to awake from this nightmare only to realize that it is not and this is my life. If only we could find some sort of medicine that would heal my son, some cancer drug that gets discovered to save my son. I have watched him go through so much in these past months and I tell Frank "My baby has suffered needlessly" his response is that if he had not gotten the treatment we might not have had him today. I don't want to have any regrets but I sometimes wonder if what we did for him was the best thing for him.
Today I read a book about Heaven, Maria Shriver wrote it. He did not like the part about the grama going into a wooden box, but as the story went on he felt better and said he liked it. I wish there was a book about a child dyeing, maybe he would understand it better, maybe I could understand this!! Because I just can't seem to rationalize why kids dye of this horrible monster, cancer.
I pray for another day and another and many, many more to come. Hug your children, live life today because you just never know what tomorrow brings.
Praying for no regrets,
Mom & Dad
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