Sunday, December 24, 2006

Its Christmas Eve-From Rocio Montagner

As we sit here by Kelvin's bedside I realize it is Christmas Eve, what was once a home filled with laughter and joy in this holiday season is now filled with silence and sadness. The excitement the joy is no more and I pray that this will someday resume. I remember Kelvin standing on a stool and we would make Christmas cookies together for Santa. He would help me flatten the dough with a rolling pin and would pound his little hands while the flour would fly up in the air and we would be covered with it. We would laugh so hard. He would then help with the cookie cutters pushing them to make the perfect angel. Once the cookies were done and cooled we would sit and mix colors together to make different shades to color the cookies. He would pick the perfect ones and we would set them on a plate that read "Santa's cookies". He was so excited for Santa to try his masterpieces! We would put some in little bags and would give them to his Godmother and his aunts and uncles. They just loved getting the home made cookies as gifts it just meant so much because Kelvin made them with his two little hands.
Kelvin woke up yesterday and saw his uncle standing in front of him and he said "Hi", my heart was racing, hearing his little voice just filled me with joy. He looked at me and I kept telling him how much I love him and how he will be OK, no matter what! He said "Mommy" and fell back to sleep. How I yearned to hear his voice and now I have and it has made me so happy for just a few moments and it gives me such faith and strength to go on. He is in and out and I told him that it was Christmas Eve and if he wanted mommy to leave cookies for Santa and he nodded his head. I think that he is trapped in a body that is so tired and so hurt but his mind and spirit continue to soar. He wants very much to wake up but can't.
I think it is difficult for him to give up, I see how he is fighting for every minute he is here and just won't give up!
Early at 4.00am his pulse was racing once again and I gave him some medication to lower it he also has had some low grade fevers. I wish I knew what is happening? If he will recover? Or if this just all part of dyeing? The swelling on his head where the shunt is has also gone down which is a miracle, we were told that once this is leaking fluid that the shunt is clogged and that there is nothing else to do. He goes on, and we just don't know what the future holds. What I do know it that WHERE THERE IS LIFE THERE IS HOPE, and as long as Kelvin continues to breath and his heart continues to beat I will not loose HOPE.
He is an angel that has been sent to me who has brought me so much joy and it was then when I first held him in my arms that I knew what unconditional love really is and he gave me the gift of becoming a mother.
P.S. Please enjoy every minute with all your loved ones and give your child one more kiss and one more hug today and that extra kiss and hug is for Kelvin, he can never have enough love from all of you who have also been in this fight, his fight.

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