Tonight I am finally packing for our vacation. We are going on a cruise and as it gets closer I think of my Kelvin more and more. He would have loved going! Its not a Disney cruise but he would have loved it anyway! It feels strange only packing for one child. I miss him so very much! These have been very difficult days and I thought we should get away and just live outside, away from our normal life. I feel guilty leaving without Kelvin. I close my eyes and I can see his beautiful smile and that hansom face! The crying has gotten a little better but I still feel the hole in my heart. Again let me say that the pain DOES NOT GET BETTER. You just learn to live with it. Frank has too been very sad. A few days ago Kelvin got a birthday card from Toys R Us and well it broke my heart. He loved going and always loved to play in the store. It was a routine until he could no longer.
I have been trying to keep busy! I joined an awesome group of women which make me feel great! I go to weekly meetings and its therapy for me. Being surrounded by positive and hard working ladies helps! Let me invite you to visit my web site at www.marykay.com/rmontagner I enjoy visiting with people and just helping them feel good about themselves! Mary Kay also does wonderful charitable events for Cancer and well that is so very personal for me!! Anyone who is out there trying to defeat this beast is on the top of my list!! So feel free to call upon me for any of your cosmetic needs!!
I also had to go to Children's Hospital this week to see a ENT, doctor and a matter of fact he was also Kelvin's doctor who found the tumor. Well it was difficult to say the least! I was doing pretty well but then the nurse asked for Kelvin and when I told her of his passing I broke down in tears. It is a bitter sweet feeling. The place that bought us some time but also the place that just could not save him! I see kids fighting the fight of their lives and think and wonder how many of them will make it?? Its so sad to see that kids get cancer too!! Well the good news is that Zachary does not need surgery to put tubes in his ears!! I was so happy to hear this!! WE JUST CAN'T TAKE ANY MORE!! Our hearts are so bruised and hurt and well we just want our Zacky to be HEALTHY!! He reminds me so much of Kelvin at his age! He too loves dancing and singing to all the Wiggles songs!!
I hope you all have a wonderful mothers day and I will be back on mothers day, it also happens to be my birthday and well I am just happy to be alive another year.
We hope we have a fun and safe trip so keep our little family in your prayers!
The Montagner's
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