SARCASM (WORDS TO LIVEBY)

1. THE JOURNEY OF A THOUSAND MILES BEGINS WITH A BROKEN FAN BELT AND LEAKY TIRE.

2. IF YOU THINK NOBODY CARES IF YOU'RE ALIVE, TRY MISSING A COUPLE OF CAR PAYMENTS.

3. IF YOU DONT SUCCEED, SKY DIVING IS NOT FOR YOU.

4. IF YOU LEND SOMEONE $20 AND NEVER SEE THAT PERSON AGAIN, IT WAS PROBABLY WORTH IT.

5. GENERALLY SPEAKING, YOU AREN'T LEARNING MUCH WHEN YOUR LIPS ARE MOVING.

6. NEVER UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES TAKE A SLEEPING PILL AND A LAXATIVE ON THE SAME NIGHT. (THINK ABOUT IT)

7. EXPERIENCE IS SOMETHING YOU DONT GET UNTIL JUST AFTER YOU NEED IT.

8. A CLOSED MOUTH, GATHERS NO FOOT.

9. SOME DAYS YOU'RE THE BUG, SOME DAYS YOU'RE THE WINDSHIELD.

10.ITS ALWAYS DARKEST BEFORE DAWN; SO IF YOU ARE GOING TO STEAL YOUR NEIGHBOR'S NEWSPAPER, THATS THE TIME TO DO IT.