Sunday, December 10, 2006

Getting Tired - Rocio Montagner

Even though Kelvin continues to want to fight it looks like his little body is getting tired! He is having leg pains and neck pain. He can't stand or walk anymore. He is also not wanting to eat a thing and well this is to hard on us! Kelvin has lost use of his left eye, he can't blink so its always tearing and he says "Mommy, I think I am crying, I think I may be sad" I tell him its his eye and we are praying for it to get better. We continue to pray that God will have mercy on our family and allow us to keep Kelvin for a while! I don't know how much he can take! I have heard of little ones battling cancer and fought until the end and never wanted to die and this scares me so much. How can it be possible? How can a child want to live and not be granted this? It just does not seem right!
The holidays have been so difficult, watching everyone celebrate and live while we grieve for what we may no longer share together. We continue to pray and even though we are sad we are still full of hope and pray for a miracle. Our friends tell us they feel guilty because their lives are filled with joy and health. I tell them not to feel guilty that they must enjoy life and be grateful everyday for what they have been blessed with. Live can change in a second so savor the moments!
Frank continues to be extremely sad and he has every right! I think you get to a point where you just can't hold those tears back any longer, it is so automatic and as hard as you try to be strong and not cry it just happens!
Zachary has been so very loving, I don't know what he knows or what he understand but he just wants to kiss me and hug me and be in arms. Its like he just wants to comfort me and tell me that everything will be all right, some how everything will one day be all right. Those of you who now my little "Terror" you know that this is not his way, he usually smacks us and throws balls and pillows. I think that he knows our sadness and just wants us to know that he is here and that he will give us the reason to go on! Let me tell you, if it was not for Zacky we would have no reason to live.
We will continue to fight for the days to come, I continue to ask Kelvin if he is tired and want to just rest and he says "NO! I am going to fight and ask God to help me with the pain and help me take my medicines" He is unstoppable he is my hero!
Filled with Love & Hope
MOM & DAD
P.S. If I could, I would take my son to the moon so that we could be together forever!

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