Wednesday, December 20, 2006

Just Waiting - Rocio Montagner

The days seem to melt together and I don't know how long it has been since I was told that Kelvin had 12 hours to live. He again has beat the odds and its been at least 72 hours if not more. It goes to show that the doctors don't know that only God knows and Kelvin knows. He kept pointing up as though he was seeing something. The hospice nurses were here and they said that they hear of this, the patient seeing someone. I seem to think that Kelvin is seeing his angel watching over him and helping him endure all the pain he is going through before he takes his hand and leads him to Heaven. We notice that Kelvin's face is now paralyzed on the left side, the same side of the damaged eye. He tries to talk but he does not seem to get the words out, it looks like his tongue is affected and well I am sure this is so frustrating for him. We see him trying to move his tongue but the words just don't seem to come out.
We have had a few heart stopping moments, he starts with some apnea and some coughing and well we think that God is calling him home. Kelvin keeps hanging on and just won't let go. He is a fighter and well is just not ready. We have told him to go, we have told him he is tired and needs to rest. I don't want him to suffer any longer! I keep praying that God will take him in his sleep without allowing him to suffer any longer, then I tell God if you are not going to take him then LET HIM LIVE BUT NO MORE SUFFERING!! He has gone through so much, much more than most adults will ever go through in their entire life. I remember when I use to force him to take his medications he would tell me "I am just a little boy, don't make me!" He is so right, he "Just a little boy" and no little boy should go through such pain!
Sometimes I am angry, especially when I see that some mothers are throwing their babies in the trash and here I am trying to save mine! Parents that well beat, hurt and just don't love their children and I again I have tried my best to do all I can and I have LOVED more than I feel possible. How can this be?? Was this Kelvin's destiny since the beginning and that's why God chose us? Kelvin would be here for a short while and needed to be loved his whole life time? Well he was and still is and forever will be.
We continue to pray for peace. We need peace, the storm has subsided but the rain continues to fall. We are waiting for the clouds to clear and for the sun to shine once again.
I lay by Kelvin's side and I talk to him about all the wonderful memories, I especially talk to him about the Disney Cruise and that soon we will be together again and we will go on the cruise. I believe that we will all be together again and that this wish, Kelvin's wish that may not be possible here on earth will be possible in Heaven.

Mom & Dad

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