As I sit here in this familiar place I begin to think "How many times can my Heart break?" We were so hopeful watching Kelvin improve, taking him to Chucky Cheese to play and watching him live! I know I kept asking God for just "ONE MORE DAY" but it looks like those days are over! Kelvin has been declining rapidly, he started with leg pains then his left eye became paralyzed and now he has been vomiting nonstop since Friday morning 4:00am. He has vomited so much that he must have severely hurt something and now he vomits gushes of blood. How can this be? If God wants to take my angel why must Kelvin suffer so much? I just don't understand!! Last night when this began I knelt down and told God "You win, he is yours!" For the first time I felt that enough is enough! I remember talking to God and saying that he can make me suffer as much as He sees fit, but to watch Kelvin vomit so much blood is unbearable! Kelvin is semi conscience and as I lay by his side and hold his hand he seems to find the strength to say "Mommy I love you". Words can not begin to describe the pain that both Frank and I are feeling at these moments. As much as I want to be strong I find myself constantly in tears. I keep thinking "Why?" and "How?". I just can't make sense of all this that is happening. We are all here, surrounded by family, WAITING! Waiting to see if more suffering will be bestowed on my son, waiting to see if Kelvin has not suffered enough that more is coming? Waiting to see if God can't take watching Kelvin in so much pain and decide to take him away from all this cruelty and taking him to a place where pain is none existent. Where Kelvin can once again run, play and laugh. I am now in a place where I have begged God to either cure him or take him once and for all and not allow him to suffer any further. Yes I have decided that I am sell fish to want to keep him only to watch him suffer with every breath he takes which has become difficult. Kelvin is gasping and hold his chest begging for another breath. Is this right, first he begs for a cure and now he begs for a breath!
I am asking you all to please help us to ask God to please decide what his plan if for Kelvin. Will he cure Kelvin to show that he can perform a miracle and allow Kelvin to spread his word? Or will he stop the suffering and take him to rest and be free of pain? I told Kelvin not to be afraid, that he will soon be able to run and play and that God will take him to a beautiful place and that his wish of the Disney Cruise will soon come true! I have also told Kelvin that he has won! That he has defeated the monsters and that they will never, ever bother him again! That we will all be together soon and that we will all play and have fun like we did once before!
So again I ask you all to please gather and pray for Kelvin's Miracle or Kelvin's final journey to take place!
Begging for an answer,
MOM & DAD
1 comment:
i don't know but my prayers are with you
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