Tuesday, October 03, 2006

More Bad News-Kelvin's Family

Today we spoke to Kelvin's case manager nurse who advised us not to take Kelvin on the Disney Cruise. She said that the pressure on the plane could cause more damage. I am so heart broken to know that we will not be able to full fill Kelvin's dyeing wish. I asked the nurse about how long we had left with Kelvin and she said that weeks at the most that a month in a half the longest if that. It all seems like a horrible nightmare! How could this be happening to our little family? I keep asking myself what I did to deserve such sadness in our lives. I talked to Kelvin today and told him that he has cancer in his brain again. He seemed to understand, he said that he wanted to keep fighting. I asked him if he wanted more medicine but he did not respond. I also told him that he is being taken care of by God, that God was going to take care of him and he was his doctor now. God has always been by your side and now you are in his arms and he is holding you. I asked him if he was happy to be home and he said yes so I am glad that being home is making him happy. Kelvin's illness has been progressing, he has barely spoken and sleeps most of the day. He had a low grade fever today and well I started to panic. I called the hospital and they said he could have an infection. We pray that he won't get a fever again. Today he had more visitors, he seemed a little responsive but then continued to just sleep. As he laid on the couch and I sat by his side on the floor I could hear everyone talking and laughing amongst themselves and realized no matter what happened people would continue to live while others died. It is so hard to imagine life without Kelvin and I just don't want to. Today the dreaded subject came up, "Where would we lay him to rest?" I don't even want to think about this in fear that it would become a reality. I want him close but can't imagine living here in Palmdale, in this house if he is not hear to enjoy it. We actually moved for him, he wanted a big house and this was the only place we could afford. Why stay here if he is not? It just does make sense. All the memories, we finally completed the back yard so the kids could play and the sad thing is that Kelvin has not been able to enjoy it. I pray that he gets the strength to go out and play. As I write this I pray that I will wake up from this horrible nightmare. We are hoping that Kelvin is well enough to go to Disneyland. He says he wants to go and we pray that he has the strength. We are planning to take him Thursday or Friday we are just waiting to see if he gets better. We are having people pray for my little Kelvin, tomorrow people from two churches will come to pray over my baby. I believe that if God wants he will grant us a miracle and this is what we are praying for A MIRACLE! I Just ask God to please allow my son to be happy and not suffer. He has to be able to enjoy the last days of his life. I want to hear him laugh and I want to see him run and ride his bike. We were suppose to buy him a ATV this weekend but he does not even want to go outside. I knew he was sick but I never thought he would get so sick so fast. I remembered praying that if God was going to take him that he would take him fast so that he would not suffer. I only wish we new months in advance so that Kelvin would have fulfilled his wish. When ever Kelvin was in pain, and whenever he cried and was scared he would clutch a postcard from the Disney cruise and say that thinking about going made him feel better. I remember feeling so sad one day and as I sat by the bed and cried he handed me the postcard and said "It's okay mommy, just hold on to this card and think you are on the cruise and you will feel better". I laughed and kissed him and this made me feel better. I don't want to stop kissing him and hugging him. As I sit next to him I feel his little head on my chest and kiss it, I want to hold him hard and never let go. I just don't want to say goodbye! I spoke to a friend today and I told her that no mother should have to endure such pain!
I just can't give up! I want you all not to give up! Kelvin has to live, he has so much to live for. He is just a child and he can do Gods work! So please lets pray that God decides to keep him hear so that he can teach us all about God and life! If we all join in this mighty prayer maybe God will listen! He has to listen!
Praying for more time,
P.S. We were referred to Hospice today, I never thought this could happen to my little angel, my little soldier who won't stop fighting!

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