A guy walks into the local welfare office, marches
straight up to the counter and says, "Hi... You know,
I just HATE drawing welfare checks. I'd really rather
have a job."
The social worker behind the counter says, "Your
timing is excellent. We just got a job opening from a
very wealthy old man who wants a chauffeur and
bodyguard for his beautiful daughter.
You'll have to drive around in his Mercedes, but he'll
supply all of your clothes. Because of the long hours,
meals will be provided.
You'll be expected to escort the daughter on her
overseas holiday trips. You will be expected to wine
and dine her with an unlimited budget.
You'll be provided a two-bedroom apartment above the
garage. The starting salary is $90,000 a year."
The guy, wide-eyed, says, "You're Bullshittin' me!"
The Social Worker says, "Yeah, well... You started
A young girl from Donegal leaves home to find work in the bright lights of
London. She comes home 6 months later and steps out of a taxi wearing a
full-length mink coat.
Begorrah, Colleen," says her mother. "Tis a lovely soft coat yer wearin'an'
it looks so expensive. Where did ye get that?" Colleen replies, "Sure now, I
won it at the bingo. Don't they have wonderful prizes in London?"
When the weekend's over, Colleen returns to the bright lights, but she's
back to visit her mom a few months later. This time, when she steps out of the
taxi, she's wearing a beautiful gold wristwatch and a large diamond ring. Same
exchange with Mom...same "Won it at bingo!"
Colleen returns to the bright lights again. A few months later, she's back.
This time she's sporting a beautiful emerald and diamond necklace with
matching bracelet and earrings. She hands her mother 1,000 pounds and explains
she won it all in bingo. Then she asks Mom to run her a bath as she needs to
When Colleen gets to the washroom, there's only a quarter inch of hot water
in the bathtub.
Colleen, a wee bit peeved at her Mom being so cheap with the hot water after
being handed 1,000 pounds, calls downstairs, "Mom! Sure now, didn't I ask
you to run me a bath? There's only a quarter inch of water in the tub!"
"Indade there is, me darlin," replies her Mom. "But we don't want ye gettin'
yer bingo card wet now, do we?"
You can never fool Mom.